Free Advices vs Gestalt Mindset

Since I graduated this year (2018), I am getting “Free Advices” from everyone and everywhere. From close relatives to complete strangers walking on the street. Unfortunately, most of them don’t even know me (including those close relatives). They don’t know about my personality, lifestyle, ambitions and challenges. On top of that most of them don’t even have adequate knowledge and experience of subjects that they are talking about. They are misinformed in many cases which is even worst then being uninformed.

I do not question their intentions as I believe that they really want to help me and they genuinely think that’s what they are doing by giving me those “Free Advices”. However that is their intention, not their impact because their impact is complete opposite. They are making things more difficult for me. Because most of their advices are coupled with fears and insecurities that they themselves had or still have. Because of all this I have to spend a lot of time and energy to get over with negativity, confusions and discouragement that they unintentionally create for me.

So what is the solution?

Let me share one of my experiences that I had during my “Research on Life” to find the solution.

Earlier this year, I had an opportunity to present my startup in an international competition Global Student Entrepreneur Awards (GSEA) at National Incubation Center Lahore. It was indeed a “lavish” experience. We stayed in Punjab Club where elites come in their Mercedes and BMWs for private parties near swimming pool and shared couch with country manager of a multinational company on the roof top of a golf club in DHA, Lahore. After all competition was organized by Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) which is an organization exclusive for businessmen and industrialist who are millionaires in US Dollars. I intentionally wrote all this as most of the people who advise me start their conversations with getting a job, making money to buying a big house and a fancy car. So these are the things that impress them and then they give importance to what you say, unfortunately.

But I wasn’t there for all this, I was there to learn, learn and learn. I gave my presentation in front of top notch Academia, Businessmen and student entrepreneurs, interacted with them, listened to their feedback and suggestions. This is what I took back to Karachi from that competition, “Relevant knowledge based on personal experiences”.

When I got back I thought it’s over and now all I have are memories and learnings to share, but I was wrong. Because in the very next month I was invited again to attend a post-competition meetup with my co-participants to form a group called “Forum”. Forum is basically a group of 8–10 EO peers who offer direction based on experiences. It acts as a personal board of advisers on the situations members choose to discuss, and emphasizes confidentiality, personal responsibility and experience-sharing.

In this first meetup of “Forum” I was introduced to the concept of “Gestalt Mindset”. And that’s what I think is the solution to the problem that we either face ourselves or create for others while giving “Free Advice”.

“Gestalt Mindset” is all about sharing relevant experiences that you had, to solve problems that the other person is facing right now. It is complete opposite to giving “Free Advices” based on your opinions and assumptions. It’s a really wise methodology to engage in a discussion but also very tough because we are brought up in a society where people focus more on talking and less on working hence they have a lot of “knowledge” to bombard but very few “experience” to share.

So whether it’s about career, business, education, marriage, health, parenting or any other thing. Here are three questions that we should ask ourselves before advising anyone:

• Do I have the adequate practical experience (or at least theoretical knowledge) of the subject I am talking about?
• Do I know the relevant aspects of the personality of the person whom I am advising?
• Do I have my own “skin in the game”?

If you have satisfactory answers to these questions, you should definitely advice him/her. But if you don’t have positive answers then it is highly recommended to keep quiet and not to give “Free Advices”.